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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065959">Trust, doubt and comfort.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akela_Fang/pseuds/Akela_Fang'>Akela_Fang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Mess, Deceit Sanders is a Good Friend, Deceit is there for him though, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, M/M, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:21:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akela_Fang/pseuds/Akela_Fang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>*Spoilers for SvS R* </p><p>Roman is struggling with Janus being accepted and is refusing to leave his room. Janus comes to talk to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>211</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trust, doubt and comfort.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first fic I've ever posted. Please be kind. If you feel like I've missed a tag let me know, I have no idea what I'm doing with them.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janus was being accepted. Janus was being trusted. Roman didn’t leave his room for the rest of the day. </p><p>Patton had tried to talk to him but Roman ignored him. What could he possibly say that could make this better? Especially when Patton wouldn’t, maybe even couldn’t, understand why this was so hard for Roman. And how could Roman possibly explain?</p><p>How could he explain that he had been the first one to accept Janus? To trust him. That he had cared for him. Had thrived on his words of flattery, appreciation, encouragement, and love. Had seen him as a friend and hoped for something more only to be told that none of it was real. To be scolded for understanding Janus’s point of view, distrusted for agreeing with him, criticized for believing him. To be told that the person who made him feel heard and accepted was the bad guy. Was the villain. How could he explain that he had pushed Janus away because of it? That he had turned his back on someone so dear to him because of all things others claimed him to be, only to have the very same people who told him this turn around and bring him into the fold.</p><p>He loved Janus but each time someone insisted that he was manipulating him with his flattery and flowery words, doubt chipped away a little more of his trust in him. Now those that put that doubt there are telling him to trust Janus again. What is he supposed to do with all this contradictory information? </p><p>The next day he still didn’t know what he was supposed to do but what he ended up doing is pacing. He moved from one end of his room to the other hoping that the movement would help him sort out his thoughts and feelings. It didn’t.</p><p>When he began to feel physically tired as well as mentally he sat down on his bed letting out a frustrated groan.</p><p>A knock sounded on his door.</p><p>“Go away, Patton.” He called.</p><p>“It’s not Patton.” His heart leaped in his chest. The voice was quiet and muffled but he would recognise it anywhere, Janus.</p><p>He couldn’t bring himself to respond, scared of what might come out of his mouth when his mind was in such chaos.</p><p>“Roman I know you probably don’t want to talk to me or Patton right now but hiding yourself away isn’t going to help anyone.”</p><p>Roman just layed down with his back towards the door.<br/>
“Roman, can you please open the door? We don’t have to talk and I’ll leave as soon as you ask me too. I just can’t stand the thought of you being alone right now... I hope you know I’m not lying right now.”</p><p>Roman waved his hand and the door unlocked. He didn’t move beyond that. He didn’t move when he heard the door open and he still didn’t move when he felt the other side of his bed dip as Janus sat down. For a while, they just stayed there. The silence settling over them was tense and awkward, neither sure what to say but both knowing they needed to sort things out between them.</p><p>Roman, mind buzzing and whirring with so many thoughts and emotions, allowed his body to fall back on old habits. He rolled over to face Janus and reached his arm out towards him, a silent plea for closeness that Janus recognised and understood. Before Janus made his presence known to Thomas this gesture would have resulted in the two of them curled up together, Janus holding Roman close and Roman burying his face in Janus’s chest or the crook of his neck. But Janus knew that Roman wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy yet so he simply laid beside Roman as close as he dared to get.</p><p>Roman was grateful that Janus still understood him and what he needed so well but a small voice in the back of his mind hisses that he should be anything but grateful that the snake knew him so well. That he should be worried about what the deceitful side could do with that information, how he could and probably has used it to manipulate him.</p><p>Part of him wanted to scream at Janus, to kick him out of his room and tell him to never show his creepy snake face again. The other part wanted to crawl into his arms, to cling to him and apologise over and over for how he’s treated him recently. In the end, he did neither. Instead, he laid there watching Janus watch him, wondering what the perspective side was seeing in his eyes at that moment. It probably looked like world war III was happening inside his mind. Maybe it was.</p><p>The silence was eventually broken by Janus. </p><p>“You can say as much as you want or not say anything at all to me but eventually what’s going on up here,” He tapped the side of Roman’s head. “Has to come out. If you keep putting it off it’s going to come out in a way that you’ll regret. Please talk to someone Roman. It doesn’t have to be me and it doesn’t have to be Patton but you have to talk to someone.”</p><p>Roman stared at him for a second as he mulled the words over. He knew he was right, if he kept it in he’d just blow up at everyone again and he didn’t want to hurt any of them by saying something he doesn’t mean again. Janus was probably the best person for him to talk to about all of this. He knew more about the circumstances leading to his current state of mind then others did and really how much more damage could voicing his thoughts do to their relationship? So he opened his mouth and let what’s been weighing on his mind come tumbling out.</p><p>“I don’t know who to trust anymore. Everyone told me that you were lying to me. That all you were doing was buttering me up and manipulating me, using me to get to Thomas. Then as soon as I start believing them they…” Roman sighed and ran a hand down his face in frustration. This was harder than he thought.</p><p>Janus put a comforting hand over Roman’s that was still slightly stretched towards him on the bed and when Roman didn’t react he began making soothing circular motions with his thumb. Tension that Roman didn’t know he had been holding eased at the familiar touch. His hand dropped from his face but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Janus.</p><p>“I turned my back on you all because I needed the others' love and acceptance. I keep changing, keep trying to do better in their eyes and it’s never enough. As soon as I think I know who the heroes and the villains are supposed to be they flip the script and I’m left floundering.”</p><p>Janus’s hand moved up to his shoulder as he pulled Roman towards him, wrapping him in a warm embrace. Roman remembers past moments when they had been in similar positions before, whenever Janus came to ease his worries with a gentle touch and comfort him with sweet words.</p><p>“Roman, something we all need to let go of is this idea of black and white morality. Far too much of the world exists within the grey for that mentality to truly be helpful. In real life there are no heroes or villains, there are just people being people in all their complex, multifaceted wonder. And that’s an okay thing for them to be. Some parts of them are good while some parts of them are bad but everyone will have a different view on what parts of them are which. This is also okay. What you need to do is stop worrying about what everyone else thinks is good or bad and focus on defining the difference for yourself. Focus on your own views and stop trying to alter them to fit with everyone else's, that’s an impossible task that will only end with you getting hurt.”</p><p>As Roman contemplated these words dozens upon dozens of memories played in his mind. Janus knocking on his door after a very loud argument with Virgil to check up on him. Janus in his room waiting for him after his debate with Logan on why they do what they do and soothing the sting of Logan’s pie chart insinuating he was only worth 0.2% of Thomas’s time. Roman suffering from writer's block and Janus dragging him away from his desk and convincing him to take a break. The two of them singing together and acting out scenes in Roman’s theater after Roman had a bad day. So many moments of Janus just being there for him with no ulterior motivation in sight. Just there to comfort him.</p><p>Comfort. That’s what Janus had been to him. What he’d always been. He hated himself for letting the others make him think differently.</p><p>Roman gave in to that second part of himself and clung on to Janus, burrowing into his side. He breathed in the other side’s scent and soaked up his warmth, doing his best to shut out the small voice of doubt and allow himself to feel that sense of love and acceptance Janus had always willingly given him. </p><p>He looked up into those mismatched eyes that he secretly found intriguing and beautiful.</p><p>“I don’t think you’re the inherently evil entity the others have made you out to be in the past.”</p><p>A smile tugged at the corner of Janus’s lips. Roman watched him try to fight it before a small laugh escaped him and his hold on it broke. It was in that moment that Roman realised just how long it had been since he last saw Janus genuinely smile. His heart ached even as the butterflies in this stomach went crazy at the stunning sight. He made a silent vow that moving forward he will do anything and everything in his power to make Janus smile like that as often as possible.</p><p>“I’m sorry for making fun of your name.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Ro Ro. I know you didn’t mean it. I’ll admit I was surprised by it since you already knew my name. I’m sorry for my Remus comment.”</p><p>Roman couldn’t keep a goofy grin off his face hearing Janus call him by that nickname again. He hadn’t heard it since before the trial.</p><p>“I know you didn’t mean it either, Jan.”</p><p>That genuine smile was back and so were the butterflies. Roman mentally patted himself on the back for bringing it out again so soon.</p><p>“How does a pillow fortress and a Disney marathon sound dear prince?”</p><p>“Sounds fantastic.”</p>
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